My Name is Stella Douglas and I’m a Medicine Woman and a Midwife to Change.
What do you mean by Midwife to Change, Stella? (In addition to pretending I’m on cooking shows while I cook, which means addressing the audience, I also interview myself like I’m on talk shows, because I’m fascinating and hilarious.)
I went to as many schools as there are school years and we lived in more houses than I can actually count. I’ve changed careers 3 times (maybe 4?) and I’ve only been married once! I am an EXPERT in transition and I’ve always been able to see things that other people can’t. I see the winds changing before they do and fun fact (which isn’t always fun): I have a special talent for picking up on sexual energy waaaaay before everyone else does. I usually know whose sleeping with who before they know they will. I’ve had to learn to work with patience because Change shows itself to me when it wants to be born, but we are not always ready for change and need to prepare.
How did I become a Medicine Woman?
By getting very sick and taking medicine. A lot of it, over many years.
What is the sickness?
It’s a sickness of the Mind and the Spirit. If I don’t take my medicine, it leaks into my body and makes me physically sick.
What is my Medicine?
Sign up for our Cultivate On-Line Immersion to find out – or follow this blog and come to classes.
Who made me a Medicine Woman?
God did, Life did and I did. I am anointed three times and have been through baptisms of fire and water to initiate me. I am alive when I should be dead. I’m not being dramatic. This is the truth. One day maybe I’ll tell you the bits in between, but for now…
I grew up in an abusive lesbian relationship that leaned heavily towards the new age. The issue wasn’t two Mom’s; it was the carving knife jousting and the slapping for emphasis.
In the middle of the mess of being twenty, Yoga found me. When I say mess, I mean mess. Sex, drugs and rock and roll is an understatement. Much like all my relationships at that stage, it was intensely beautiful (because I was high) but, there was always something else going on (trying to get high). However, unlike me in my relationships, Yoga never left me.
Cut to: Biological Mom is going to prison for fraud. And just then, good people, at twenty-six, I found the Lord. I wasn’t as high anymore, so it wasn’t that. I had a genuine Spiritual Awakening that helped me get through one of the toughest times in my life. I met my husband in this time too. It was the best of times; lots of sex and prayer and a little getting high. It was the worst of times; lots of sex and prayer and no getting high.
One of the best things about church, is getting to choose family. Since the first seemed like a dud, this meant the world to me. However, no more Yoga. As you know, it’s demonic and evil… Within months I was unraveling. Three years in, I woke up and couldn’t breath with major lung inflammation (probably from all the getting high). To be clear: there was no more getting high. Friends, I was burnt out. Trying to be a better person, juggling jobs and having a secret not-so-secret affair is exhausting!
What had happened to me? I had been a fearless child, despite or maybe because of the chaos I grew up in. I always knew there was something more. I could see spirits and I had a “knowing” that only began to come into question as a young adult which we all know lead to all the getting high. I didn’t know what I knew, but I knew… There was a yearning for a wildness, a power that I could feel. How had I gotten so lost?
I learned that being lost is a perception. So is being found.The next two years were healing, humbling, rest, change of career, a new church with better rules and more freedom. This was journeying deeper into my medicine: in the midst of my sickness, in my mere thirty-two years on the planet, I heard the gentle whisper of Spirit. She was calling me back to Yoga. My practice of Union, my practice of the Divine, my practice of Hope. She had been so faithful to me. It was time to be faithful to her. Being faithful was a theme that year – I got married too.
I became a Yoga teacher because it saved me from my self as much as Jesus did. I wanted everyone to have that gift but, being a Christian Yoga teacher was lonely. I was birthing Change. I started building a new community. We learned: any given choice is made out of love or fear. What you sow is what you reap. We learned: we are continuously adapting or we die. We are learning still…
The construct of church became increasingly difficult. God wasn’t the problem, Jesus wasn’t even the problem. We thought we could change it from the inside but we learned that the system will change when the people change. I can’t change people, I can only change me. This helped when approaching the relationship with my mother. We are much kinder to each other now. Kindness is Medicine. Sharing my Medicine is my Medicine. We had failed at being good christians but we are succeeding at being Human. It requires Patience and Care. It requires Cultivation and Compassion. It requires showing up to yourself and your god. Daily.
It’s my birthday on the 14 March. I’ll be 42, and in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, 42 is the “Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything”, calculated by a supercomputer named Deep Thought over a period of 7.5M years. While I haven’t been having deep thoughts for 7.5M years, (at least not that I can remember) I have been having them for quite a while.
Good people, all church isn’t bad. Most people are good and mean well. Labels can be problematic. It’s okay to let go. You are the seed of Freedom. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Humans need some meaningful work to do, and this is mine. I hope you are the last guru you seek. I can’t change you, but I can give you medicine.
Midwife to Change
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